She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
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