there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
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