i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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