So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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