idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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