Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
