My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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