Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
