We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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