omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
foreskin is a definite game changer
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
