Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
