he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
