Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
