Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Text me some of your sweat
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
