You're a womanizer and a bitch.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
