You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
