can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
You're like the curious george of whores
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
