I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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