Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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