Are we in a gay sports bar?
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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