wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
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