Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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