Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
