you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
