Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
