I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
