just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
