Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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