Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
