I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
