Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
You took a bar mat shot.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
