Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
