so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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