so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Randomize
