Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
