think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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