Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
