Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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