I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
you inspire me to be a worse person
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Randomize
