Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
