I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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