She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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