I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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