She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
So much rum. So many feels.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
how drunk are you?
Several
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
