dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
