Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
