FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
