my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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