i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
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