i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
