I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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