you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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