1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
