That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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