You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
She bit a glass in half.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I AM VODKA MAN
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
